Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
