Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
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He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
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Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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