When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
high people should be assigned attendants
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
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After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
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Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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