If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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