i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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