Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
