I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
