Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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