I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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