Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
