so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
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Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
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I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize