I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery