I skipped work to stalk him.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
