My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
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Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
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Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...