he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up