she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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