shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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