I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
