oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Randomize
