He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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