96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I'm always down for nudity.
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