dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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