just survived the first fart of the relationship.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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