could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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