that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
please come you make the beer taste better
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Randomize
