I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
