We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Michael Bay diarrhea
the day after is always just damage control
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
