Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
