I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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