just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
