Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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