I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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