New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
