Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
