EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
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