Someone shit on the floor
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
