Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
