I didn't shave. On purpose
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Let's get the cat blown out
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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