there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
