are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
