We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
