Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
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well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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