shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
