Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize