RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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