She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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