Define "chronic" masturbator.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
