I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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