well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
My liver just had a heart attack.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
