listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
