if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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