She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
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remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
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I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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