with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
