have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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