I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Randomize