Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Just puked most of my soul out..
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
