Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
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hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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