Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I still have a little drunk in my system
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
