yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
