He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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