he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
