its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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